Taking a Break

Card from my brother's family. The inside is funny. 😉

It is something I have considered a few times, but kept choosing to avoid it because I was squeaking by using vacation and sick time, but with the recent addition of two surgeries to my recovery in the coming months along with a chemo that seems to pretty much incapacitate me physically for a week I decided to do the unthinkable for me, and go on short term disability. Women do it all of the time to have a baby, so I will take the time to stay home and take care of my baby named “Beat Cancer.” This should also improve my long term ability to overcome this temporary obstacle that has taken over my life.

I have several reasons for doing this, but once of the main ones is that I am worried that working has had a direct impact on my ability to heal. Mixing chemotherapy with long meetings, deep stress and the constant need to play catch up is not a good combo for fighting cancer. The first time my incision opened up I was sitting in a very hot conference room for 3 hours without a break, by the time I took a break I realized that my incision had popped open in two places just 2 weeks after surgery. Along with the physical demands of sitting at a computer constantly for 8 hours or more a day whether working at home or lifting my arms over a desk at the office. Both leave me sore by 5 PM, and sore most likely means not healing.

Although this worries me immensely about finances (two weeks unpaid and then 60% of salary that is then taxed), I am hoping I make up for it in “me” time. Making free appointments at the wellness center for acupuncture, learning to meditate, take the time and have the energy to cook good healthy food. Read some books, build a website, or just rest when I need to rest.

Everyone at work has been very understanding, but my Type A personality doesn’t have the ability to step back and not push myself too hard. I am too driven and when I feel like I am not getting enough done I beat myself up for it. It is going to be hard for me to step back completely, I am sure I will keep up with a certain amount of email, but I can’t allow myself to worry every night if I am going to make it to work the next day.

This also means I can dress more comfortably around my current situation. My work clothes don’t function well around stitches and my inability to wear a bra. I believe I have to wait several weeks before I can consider getting a prosthetic to wear, and I don’t have much to wear that fits comfortably around my convex left and concave right chest. My office is stifling to wear layers in. I am tired of being uncomfortable and in pain. It isn’t fair to me or my employees (grumpy bosses are never fun).

So, get ready, my baby named “Beat Cancer” has been born and I am going to stay home and take care of her..

Author: Mandi

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