Grief is a Bully
Jul13

Grief is a Bully

Love is what keeps us humans going, the force that pushes people forward in life, love is beautiful. Grief is a bully that feeds off of your love, holds you down, and steals your motivation. So far my battle with grief feels like I have two black eyes and continue to get knocked down every time I stand up. Putting one foot in front of the other is hard when it feels like you are wearing concrete slabs for boots. I have no idea how...

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Insomnia and the Evil Frisbee
Jun25

Insomnia and the Evil Frisbee

Sleep, what is that again? Feels like it has been forever since I managed to get more than three hours of good sleep. Nights are still full of tears and reoccurring dreams that haunt me throughout the day. I work all day and spend the rest of the night tidying up the house and taking care of the dogs so that I can rinse and repeat in the morning. Lately there has been so much going on I barely have any time to relax. I seem to be...

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The World Keeps Spinning
Jun10

The World Keeps Spinning

The last two months have been a lot of work adjusting to life without my beautiful Mandi. Time slows down while the rest of the world continues moving forward at it’s normal pace. Wanting to take things on when I am ready versus reality has been a bit overwhelming. Medical, insurance, and credit card companies do not care to wait for you to be ready and it can stir up emotions on an epic scale. Even little things like...

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Heavy Heart and Fuzzy Dogs
May25

Heavy Heart and Fuzzy Dogs

Seems like a common thing strangers ask when you lose your significant other is, “Do you have any kids?” which I reply, “Yes, but they are hairy and have paws!”. Mandi never wanted to have any children and I was fine with that decision, and honestly I never put much thought in to it until now. I have read a lot about people going through what I am while having to care for their kids in the process, and that has...

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What Would Mandi Do?
May13

What Would Mandi Do?

What would Mandi do? That is the first thing that comes to mind when I wake up, trying to hold back a tsunami of tears. I keep telling myself this is going to get easier and in time I will find a way to accept what has happened. Everyone is different and how people grieve is as unique as their fingerprint. There really is no timeframe to reference nor a perfect how-to guide on how to make the process easier. Mandi always seemed to...

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Walking in the Fog
May06

Walking in the Fog

It has been almost a month now since I lost the most precious thing in my life and it feels like yesterday. Loosing someone you spent almost every day with for the last eleven years is harder than I had ever imagined. Mandi and I would talk occasionally about what would happen if this day would come but honestly, I refused to imagine that someday my beautiful wife would no longer be by my side. But here we are, the thing I tried so...

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