Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on which side of the zombie obsession you are on) getting a brain MRI just makes me think of zombies. I am not sure why. I am not really a big zombie person… but I kept calling it braaaaiiiiinnnss (apparently I have them (brains), and luckily nothing else is hanging out around up there unusual after a weird series of month long migraine headaches). It did of course come with a bit of scanxiety, but more of it near the end vs. days of nonstop worry. I was a bit more surprised at my level of relief (tears), because I think I was stewing more under the surface than my brain let on, but it was hurting so much I couldn’t think too hard anyway. I have since started migraine preventative medication that seems to be doing the trick.
I have many blog posts over the past few months sitting here behind my log-in stewing, boiling and brewing. Half completed thoughts that have never quite figured out how to come to life. As I had said when I started blogging about breast cancer, my intent was to put words on virtual paper to get them from swimming around in my head. It is therapeutic in its own way, but sometimes you just have to massage them before you put them out there. I think these days I think too hard about what I should and should not say. This is probably not the best way to go about it, but it is what it is. I write, I delete, I write, I save… I leave it and I simmer. It is hard sometimes to be public about something so personal, but it helps people. I know this from the emails I receive and women I have spoken with. Which is why I still post.
I have a lot of amazingly great things going on in my life. I am a finalist for a pretty cool award for accomplishments in my career (which would never have been possible without the amazing support system I have at work). Work is stressful, but rewarding as usual. My husband is adorable. I can actually wear a PONYTAIL (I think someone forgot to tell me it takes 2 years to be able to wear a ponytail again). Now I always wear my hair up (almost always… ok… A LOT). Also, I am really enjoying being able to add adorable sundresses that have tube tops to my wardrobe (something I was never, ever, ever, ever able to wear before my reconstruction).
We have had a very busy fun filled summer with family and friends. All in all I can’t complain.
These days a bit of my thoughts are a bit more occupied with two women that are going through the upheaval of recurrence or strong possibility of recurrence. I wanted to share them with you because I <3 them both, and if you follow breast cancer blogs, you may want to add them to your list.
Jen – Jen started treatment about a month after me. I remembered poking around the internet for other women in Utah that were writing about breast cancer and their treatment and found Jen. I sent her an email and thus began our interaction. We have since met a few times and kept in touch via blogs, Facebook, email etc. Jen has won a lot of bike races (her 2013 involved standing on a lot of podiums with checks bigger than I am). She has been amazingly supportive in the ups and downs in all of this. She recently discovered a tumor in her lymph node on her cancerous side and is starting chemo again next Tuesday. Read about her here >
Catherine – Catherine is a writer (and world traveler). She was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly before she turned 28. I can’t actually remember how we first connected, but her tender heart and beautiful writing (along with creative drawings) have pulled me alongside during her adventures through breast cancer and finding her way after breast cancer. She makes me laugh, she makes me cry, and my heart goes out to her during her tests. She recently discovered spots in her lungs from a CT scan. Read about her here >.