{"id":3261,"date":"2015-08-05T17:13:40","date_gmt":"2015-08-05T23:13:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.darngoodlemonade.com\/?p=3261"},"modified":"2015-08-07T11:11:12","modified_gmt":"2015-08-07T17:11:12","slug":"anxious-and-paranoid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.darngoodlemonade.com\/index.php\/2015\/08\/05\/anxious-and-paranoid\/","title":{"rendered":"Anxious and Paranoid"},"content":{"rendered":"

As my next appointment creeps up on me, this week, I keep wondering what that turmoil at the pit of my stomach is… until I realized I am sick and anxious for those little numbers I will get on Friday. My tumor markers.<\/p>\n

I changed my schedule so that I now get my tumor markers drawn Thursday so that I will have them on Friday. We have found out through scans and progress so far that my tumor markers are clearly indicative of spreading cancer for me.<\/p>\n

Normally if they are drawn on Friday,\u00a0I usually don’t know until the following week.<\/p>\n

I am scared that I am going to be one of those people that needs chemo to keep my cancer at bay. I am scared that the cancer will start spreading again. I am just plain scared…<\/p>\n

My life went from “meh, slow growing lung spots to HOLY GUACAMOLE Christmas tree Mandi.”<\/p>\n

My dogs are being their extra protective selves. This could be because I have so much anxiety… they also seem to do this when my cancer is spreading. So now I am anxious AND\u00a0paranoid.<\/p>\n

I know that there isn’t a huge sense of calm in metastatic breast cancer-land. That I will always live scan to scan, treatment to treatment, appointment to appointment… I wonder if it ever gets easier or if it will always be this hard.<\/p>\n

Women with metastatic breast cancer sometimes seem to be doing well one day and are gone the next.<\/p>\n

My type A “must be in control” seems to come out more as I have been feeling a bit\u00a0better. Letrazole has side effects that I seemed to have forgotten about. My joints are screaming – mixed with the muscle\/nerve pain leftover from Taxotere I have a rough time getting out of bed in the morning. I often lay there wide awake trying not to move a single muscle… this seems to be getting better the longer I am on it, so I am holding out for an easier run with it.<\/p>\n

Ooooooh the hot flashes are much much worse than just having an oophorectomy. I figured I hardly have any estrogen, HOW COULD IT GET WORSE? Letrazole, that is how. I am sweating from head to toe, panting, covering myself and then ripping layers of clothes off. The thermostat is not my friend (we have a Nest, so I can control it from my phone, wherever I am in the house – hot-cold-hot-cold).<\/p>\n

Oy.<\/p>\n

My big excitement is that we are less than a month away from our big trip to Europe! I was hoping I would have more hair, but oh well, I will be running around with a fuzzy head. Everything is reserved and I am ready for nonstop gelato and amazing coffee! We have had a lot of help from family and friends, thank you from the bottom of my heart! If you are interested in helping, the link is here:\u00a0http:\/\/www.travelersjoy.com\/darngoodlemonade<\/a><\/p>\n

\"Me<\/a>

Me making organic delicious homemade mozzarella from my list<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As my next appointment creeps up on me, this week, I keep wondering what that turmoil at the pit of my stomach is… until I realized I am sick and anxious for those little numbers I will get on Friday. My tumor markers. 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