{"id":1605,"date":"2012-01-31T18:29:23","date_gmt":"2012-02-01T01:29:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.darngoodlemonade.com\/?p=1605"},"modified":"2013-11-06T18:57:38","modified_gmt":"2013-11-07T01:57:38","slug":"check-ins-and-ups-and-downs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.darngoodlemonade.com\/index.php\/2012\/01\/31\/check-ins-and-ups-and-downs\/","title":{"rendered":"Check Ins and Ups and Downs"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>

Making faces for the camera. Hair before my second haircut tomorrow.<\/p><\/div>\n

Something about my doctor’s appointments strikes a chord of fear in me these days. Pre-appointment evenings are filled with anxiety and I never sleep well. Luckily during the day I am sucked into being so busy at work again. I can keep my brain occupied during the day which is a good thing in my world. I love work work work.<\/p>\n

It is true that I think about cancer a lot less than I did two months ago. I can go a few hours without it hopping into my mind, I expect it will get further and further apart as time goes on. Fear of recurrence<\/a> is still an active experience for me, but I am going to have to accept that it is my fate to have that fear, and just keep my head up and keep going. I caught myself thinking about something and my brain added “and cancer took that away from me” – I can’t remember the specifics of the thought except that I stopped myself and realized I need to refocus my thinking. Cancer only takes away from me what I let it.<\/p>\n

I was one of 11,300 women under the age of 40 diagnosed with invasive breast cancer in the US last year according to the American Cancer Society<\/a> (I figure they count me as diagnosed in 2011 since my labs were done in 2011, I was told I had cancer in 2010). When you think about how many women there are in the US under 40, that really is a low number (but don’t rest too easy, the numbers go way up after 40). Sitting and waiting for my doctors today I swear I saw a lot more young women then I would have expected.<\/p>\n

I find it oddly unsettling that I don’t have any tests completed (other than blood) when I see one of my doctors regularly over the next five years (I have three doctors I have to see regularly). I met with my surgeon and oncologist today and everything seemed pretty much o.k. Everyone that got a looky-loo was very excited about how everything looked after surgery (I agree with them, my plastic surgeon did a great job). The doctors felt around my lymph nodes, I had nothing too exciting to report beyond an ache in the inside of my shin bone (I have used the elliptical a little bit and it could easily be shin splints?) – I guess bone metastasis is very rarely below your knees and elbows, which is good to know because I can tend to get aches there, so I will have a few less things to get myself worked up about.<\/p>\n

I did admit to a little bit of the blues (winter does that to me without other things weighing on my mind). I am not a huge fan of taking antidepressants (for me, I am not saying they aren’t great for other people), I think exercise is the best medicine, and I will just have to haul my lazy carcass out of bed at that six-week post surgery mark and get that therapy going.<\/p>\n

So we continue waiting and seeing. My oncologist and surgeon opted to wait six months to see me, so I should hopefully get a break after my tests on the sixth! I may go through doctor withdrawals… Should I see a psychiatrist about that?<\/p>\n

My second haircut is tomorrow!.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Something about my doctor’s appointments strikes a chord of fear in me these days. Pre-appointment evenings are filled with anxiety and I never sleep well. Luckily during the day I am sucked into being so busy at work again. I can keep my brain occupied during the day which is a good thing in my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1605","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-updates"],"yoast_head":"\r\nCheck Ins and Ups and Downs - Breast Cancer Blog<\/title>\r\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Something about my doctor's appointments strikes a cord of fear in me these days. Pre-appointment evenings are filled with anxiety. 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