Ashes in the Forest
Jul30

Ashes in the Forest

We are all dust from the stars, and at some point we return to our original form. I think when I pass away I will be asking for the same thing Mandi requested, to be transformed to ashes and spread all over the world. I understand more than ever why she wanted this, and I will continue the journey until I die. The thought of returning to the earth for one last adventure, to be a part of each amazing place we enjoyed together, to...

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Grief is a Bully
Jul13

Grief is a Bully

Love is what keeps us humans going, the force that pushes people forward in life, love is beautiful. Grief is a bully that feeds off of your love, holds you down, and steals your motivation. So far my battle with grief feels like I have two black eyes and continue to get knocked down every time I stand up. Putting one foot in front of the other is hard when it feels like you are wearing concrete slabs for boots. I have no idea how...

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Insomnia and the Evil Frisbee
Jun25

Insomnia and the Evil Frisbee

Sleep, what is that again? Feels like it has been forever since I managed to get more than three hours of good sleep. Nights are still full of tears and reoccurring dreams that haunt me throughout the day. I work all day and spend the rest of the night tidying up the house and taking care of the dogs so that I can rinse and repeat in the morning. Lately there has been so much going on I barely have any time to relax. I seem to be...

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The World Keeps Spinning
Jun10

The World Keeps Spinning

The last two months have been a lot of work adjusting to life without my beautiful Mandi. Time slows down while the rest of the world continues moving forward at it’s normal pace. Wanting to take things on when I am ready versus reality has been a bit overwhelming. Medical, insurance, and credit card companies do not care to wait for you to be ready and it can stir up emotions on an epic scale. Even little things like...

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Heavy Heart and Fuzzy Dogs
May25

Heavy Heart and Fuzzy Dogs

Seems like a common thing strangers ask when you lose your significant other is, “Do you have any kids?” which I reply, “Yes, but they are hairy and have paws!”. Mandi never wanted to have any children and I was fine with that decision, and honestly I never put much thought in to it until now. I have read a lot about people going through what I am while having to care for their kids in the process, and that has...

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