I have been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster this week. Last year I was occupied with surgery and still building up strength. This year I have had a deep gnawing feeling in the bottom of my gut. My birthday and the New Year is now tied to cancer in my brain and I can’t figure out how to untie the knot. As much as I want to say I have been fine I have been having panic attacks and have relived the emotional turmoil I felt when I was diagnosed several times this week. This is insane to me because I have been able to tuck cancer back into a corner of my brain comfortably with it only peeking out now and the and it came back with a vengeance. I am sure this will pass once the days have gone by. I really had thought most of that was behind me.
I guess this particular strange cancer anniversary is the one that is going to cause me a little more stress and a little less celebration. The 30th of December marks two years from the day I was diagnosed. I was discussing how I had been feeling with a friend and we decided that the other milestones feel more celebratory because they are completions of treatments to kill the cancer, this anniversary is the one that started it all.
I came up with a random idea on what I could do since my brain has started to be preoccupied with cancer. Why not give cancer patients in treatment gifts on my birthday/New Years Eve? Why not try to turn my frown upside down. I was trying to think of what I could give, so I asked for suggestions from friends. I got a pretty good list. I took the gift cards and money I received for Christmas and went shopping. I also had some help from friends and family sent money to aid in my shopping adventures (thanks helpful friends and family)! I stocked up on a lot of goodies. I also spammed updated everyone on Facebook while I got things ready.
Mike picked up a bunch of fleece blankets and I sewed hope charms that I had bought when I started chemo to make bracelets. I made the blankets because I love my Hope blanket I got when I finished chemo. Although I am not nearly that crafty, so I went with a simpler approach.
I filled two baskets with candy. I filled up other baskets with lotion, hand sanitizer, card games, blank journals/notepads, pens, pencils, mittens, hats, fuzzy socks, puzzle books, Sudoku and more. I was going to make baskets with items together, but I figured it may be more fun to let people just pick items out that they would like.
I may pick up a few more items in the morning, but everything is ready to go. Family and friends are meeting at my house in the morning and we will head over and give out the gifts. My mom called the hospital today and they seemed o.k. with my last minute idea and I have to call in the morning. I figure worst case scenario the volunteers will give out the goodies.
I have no idea why, but I am nervous! I will post more after. Thank you everyone that has helped out and thanks for humoring me.